i will publishing all the messages that Faiza have sent me but she sends mulipul emails at onceso its confusing. so as soon as the internet is connected at my home i am going to put them together and fix it up and then I'll be publishing them.

Lot #16 Hellshire Park,

Ostrich Avenue,

Hellshire hills,

P.O

St. Catherine,

Jamaica

W.I

August 8, 2001

Dear Faiza,

I really don’t know what to writ to you, since I send you emails almost every day.

But please excuse my bad hand writing I don’t writ as pretty as you would think, so does my mom I guess it runs in the family. And have you ever seen how a doctor writs? They say the reason why they write so badly is because they don’t wan’t any one to copy their hand writing. Speaking of doctors what would you like to be when you get older? I wan’t to be a doctor when I grow up. But I can’t stand the sight of blood. And the reason why I wan’t to be a doctor is because is seems like every career in the world being a doctor or lawyer is the only choice. I don’t know why and that what I think so out of those two I prefer being a doctor.

Speaking of careers I met this girl she is 19 and she lives in Pakistan and she is a business woman she said something about stock marketing, I’m  not sure but she said she wanted to be my friend. As usual I said yes she said she wanted to know me so I told her a little about me.

I join this thing I don’t remember the name of it but you create an ad and people from all over he world send you mail its kind of a pen pal thing. And now I’m getting mails strangers and learning about cultures.

I love you.

Yours sincerely

Horatia Samuels.

(Faiza haven’t receive this letter yet)

Dear Faiza,

It’s raining like crazy over here in Jamaica. There is a topical storm over our country, the east coast to be priciest and a little are, well, kind of blowing over my side.  It was over the Bahamas last week and now it’s over here, they say it might turn into a hurricane.

In the Caribbean we have a season called hurricane season. It starts from June and ends at November. So… yeah we’re kind of in the middle of it right now.

Last night it rained, and it was raining real hard and lighting and thunder, well lets just say it almost gave me an heart attract, it woke me up right out of my sleep!

The thunder was so loud it seems like it would deaf me!

And the lighting was so bright even through the curtains it seems like it would blind me.

Speaking about natural disasters, I heard there is going to be a big earthquake here in Jamaica. Almost even bigger than the earthquake that hit Haiti, a couple years ago. I don’t know if you know about it bout if you don’t I suggest you Google it.

Have you watched the Olympic Games yet? I’m so proud of my country. I tried to see if I saw your country but I didn’t, sorry. But if I did or if I do see I’ll be cheering for you country.  

Dear Faiza,

I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry for what I said. I said a terrible thing. I think I told you not to talk to me any more, but I didn’t mean it. The truth is I was angry. I was very angry because one of my friends is not talking to me any more. She lives in a nearby community of mines, where the houses are huge she lives just two minuets away from my house, sometimes I visit. Her name is Patricia

I noticed I had more privileges than her she don’t even have an email account. She lived with her aunt, she was very strict. I called her aunty because I thought it was the polite thing to do, she didn’t mind.

During the summer I called her because Patricia didn’t have a phone. She’s always busy sometimes I don’t get to talk to her, but most times I just call to come over their always buy so sometimes I cant come over. I noticed her rejecting my calls some of the times so that made me very angry, I sent her a mean message, I know I know shouldn’t have but I just hate it when I showing people respect and e next not getting any back so that made me angry.

The next morning Patricia called and told me not to call her aunt again and neither should I come visit her again. And since then, every thing I see, every thing I hear and even every thing I read gets me upset. And that’s why I sent you that mean message, I feel so ignorant. I hope I didn’t break your heart. And I know I went too far with that Osama bin laden thing please forgive me.

This is the fist time I open up to you so much and I wish I can do it more often but you ask so mush questions I keep forgetting what I want to tell you. Sometimes you ask the same questions over and over again

Horatia

P.S I love you.

31/7/12

Dear Faiza

Today is august the first witch is emancipation day.

August the sixth will be will be Independence Day.

And august the thirty first will be a blue moon.

That day I’ll be thinking of you.

I hope you be thinking of me too.

Today as I was saying is emancipation day. It’s the day the slaves were free from the British colony in 1838 or I think 1848 –if that didn’t happen Jamaica would be a British speaking country, witch would make me very happy OMG British accents–.

As you know Independence Day the slave were free to have there own government yahda, yahda, yahda and all those stuff ect.

And the blue moon comes every 1000 years, so that’s pretty special. But your going to see it be for me anyways, lol!

 I went to my mothers form today because it was time to kill some chickens today. She wanted my help, but I can’t I just can’t kill an innocent creature. I came anyway even though I didn’t wan’ted to go.

anyways but I hardly do any thing I just sat there and read my book love, stargirl I was afraid of the chickens and when you touch them they’ll scream and frighten you.

And the kill the chickens heartlessly and pluck them and gut them. I was sick.

I went and sit in the fowl cub –I don’t know what you call it up there but it the place where you keep you chickens– (I feel safer there) with my brother, he was there because the sun was hot. All the chickens were staring at my toe like they wanted to peck them.

My brother couth one and gave him to me to show me there was nothing to be afraid of. The chicken was so nice and tame I called him Pringle –he liked it when I rubbed his neck– I didn’t know why the name just came to me. But there was no chicken left so they had to take pringle away from me they took him and I watch them while they were cutting his neck but I didn’t want to but I felt like I hade to so they threw his head on the floor and his headless body was jerking and moving and twitching. I was disgust but sad , and I felt like I didn’t want to eat chicken any more because I didn’t know which one was pringle.

That day we killed more than a hundred chickens.

-Pinky

1/8/12

Dear Faiza,

My mom tried to cut my hair today because she sad I wasn’t taking care of It; she said I was letting it loose.

I was in my bed sewing some clothes for my cats. I got the material from my nephew, he got them from his mother’s (my sister) friend some, she’s a designer. Anyway I was sewing some cat cloths; my room was a bit messy. She was shouting telling me to clean it up and then she saw my head and then attack my with the scissors and I put the pillow on my head trying to block her from cutting my hair so I yelled out my sisters’ names –they where getting ready to go to the beach– they came and tried to stop her and then she calm down but I was going to be home with her alone so my sisters carried me with them to the beach just incase she tried to do it again.

So today I when’t to the beach

It was fun but I forgot to but on my sun block and when home with some sun burn but when we got there it as pretty cool, the air was cool too, lol!

When I was at the beach you know the usual playing it the sand, swimming etc.

I saw this thing; you know that thing that the life grads sit upon? (I don’t know the name) well if you know what I mean I when’t to wards it and climb upon it and sat on it then I saw a beautiful view of the Caribbean Sea, and then I thought of you, you are beautiful Faiza.

I love you.

-pinky

2/7/12

Dear Faiza,

Today wasn’t much of an exiting day.

But I was sewing some cat clothes as usual and I say a commercial pulse model search and I watch every session and I always wanted to enter so I took down there number and called and the take people from age 14 and up I and they said that I can come in for additions so I’m really exited about that  I was called Caribbean pulse model search   but I think they change it because they are now taking people from all over the world so if your interested please call them because I’m afraid to be there by myself when around other people specially when there are cameras all over the place –don‘t worry its family friendly–. If you’re interested can you call them please? Tell them what country you’re from. The number is 1+ (876) 960-0049

Do you think that your mother will allow you? Let me tell you a secret; if you want her to allow you just call the number and if they accept you ask your mother if you can join then if she said no, tell her they already accepted you.

She’ll be sop proud or maybe it wouldn’t work because our parents are not the same 

About me

Appearance

I am a toll fat and light skinned girl. My hair is brown but I have a couple red, pink orange and blond streaks in it. I dyed it during the summer but I’m going dye it black when back to school.

I weigh 260 LB

(So embarrassing)

My height is 6 ft toll but I checked those 2 years ago and I think I grew more

My eyes are brown

My face is round

My ears are priest

Planning to priest my tongue 

Personal appearance

My Bra size is I’m not sure I think 40DD

My pants size is 25 or 30 to be sure.

Shirt size I don’t know you guest

I got big feet

Size foot 11 inches

Telling you these just in case you’d like to buy something for me

Feel free to send this info about you too

i live at:

 lot#16 Ostrich avenue

Hellshire park

Hellshire hills

P.O

St. Catherine  

Jamaica

W.I 

Feel free to send me your address too.

Me

I love to find out about cultures and I love people I love animals I have 4 cats I used to have 7 but mom gave away 2 but before that I hade 3 and one had 3 babies so…

I like colors

And to dress up

 I love makeup

I love nail art but I never have time to do it I love my friends and I get jealous easy but I never show it.

I love it when my friends stick to me and is always by my side not that she can’t have her own privacy she can have her space

I love it when my friends comes to visit me and I love to get breakfast in bed

I don’t have a big house

I don’t have a big room

I wish my

 Room was bigger

I love school more than home because too much drama is at home but school the drama is just fair not too much but not too little to keep the place boring

I love you Faiza

XOXOXO

Writ me too!

3/7/12

Yesterday while I was checking my mail at my mom’s internet café. My friend, Faiza sent me a message asking if I like cricket. She most have ask because I’m West Indian so this is what I’m going to reply to her when I go online

“You know, Faiza , I’ve been thinking hard and long about what you have said/ask to me recently and I realized that you most have asked because I’m West Indian right? Because West Indies is a cricket team, right?

Just because I’m West Indian that doesn’t mean that play cricket, I hate cricket!

Jamaica has the fastest and second fastest man on earth, Usain Bolt, Asfa Powel. Yendi Phillips came second in miss universe in 2009 she is a Jamaican!

I’m not fast, and I most certainly hate cricket! And you and I both know that I’m not the most beautiful girl in the world.

 Jamaica is coming to it’s fiftieth independence so at this moment everything might be offensive to us Jamaicans.

So girl stop with your stereotypes its offensive! And I’m sure anyone from any other county in the West Indies would also find that offensive. You know I could’ve asked you a stereotype question like do you know Osama bin Laden? Or, is your county still in war with the united stats? But I know it’ll be offended.

Yours sincerely

Pinky

P.S

If this hurts your feelings I don’t mean to, I’m just being honest

P.S.S you hurt my feelings first!

P.S.S.S I LOVE YOU! XOXO.” 

Dear diary,

School is almost at an opening and my mom hasn’t even got anything. She didn’t even collect my last report witch contain the book list and that may not be important because we can just rent books but the can not be rented so she as to by my novels not only my novels but other necessary thing such as exercise books, pencils, ruler, rubber pen etc.

And I have noticed that when it comes to this time of the year I get really stressed out normally it’s the parents but my is clam I don’t even have my uniforms prepared

Yours sincerely

««РîЙЖ¥☺ $ǻmΰЁļ$☻»»

Dear diary,

Well, I have been experiencing some problems with my friend, Patricia.

It all started when the summer begun, and as you know that I don’t go out much, so when I get lonely I call her aunt, for Patricia as no phone. When I call, sometimes I just want to come over or sometimes I just want to talk to her. So sometimes they’re busy so I can’t come over, fine. Sometimes I call just to talk to pat but she is always busy, so we can’t talk then, that okay. But sometimes I call too much and I realize that might be irritating, but she didn’t say. And it had reached at point when she rejected my calls and I know because when you call and it don’t ring and go to voice mail that means that the phone is turned off, or when it rings and ring out that means the might not hear the phone ringing or she maybe ignoring it and when it ring 1 or 3 times and go to voice mail that means that she rejected it and she did it a lot of times but once it reached moment when I realized that I should stop, because she must obviously don’t want to talk to me. I remember this once I called and it rang twice and went to voice mail, and I called again and it rang 3 times I had that feeling that she might not want to talk to me.

     But how could she!! I even called her aunt! I showed her great respect and I just can’t believe that she could do such thing!!!

That evil witch!! Hate her!

     A couple days after I was texting sattimma, a girl in my class. I asked her if she have spoken to pat. She said “no.” so I told her she can call her aunt and she said she won’t call because she thinks her aunt don’t like her and I told her “ it seems like she don’t like me either.” And she asks why am I thinking that? And I told her the story of her rejecting my calls. And she told me that some people are just like that. So I texted Patricia’s aunt tell her “thanks, thanks for rejecting my call if you don’t want me to talk to pat you can just say so, and to think I called you aunty, ha! I was wrong I don’t want to you again!” And I think I called her a witch.

The other day she called but it was Patricia I couldn’t hear her good but I just woke up, and I think she told me I was rood and I should call her back and neither should I come visit them. But I thought I don’t care but its really killing me inside. I really cant take it I think the day after that she called telling me to call her back I didn’t have any phone it was my mom’s and once again she woke me up. I was angry but yet I was confused for I don’t know why she calling me, after I told her to not call me and her aunt said she don’t want me to call her. But my mom had no credit on her phone to call her so I didn’t. Couple minuets later she called I couldn’t hear her good but I think she told me to call her back. I got angrier because if she wanted to talk to me she calls me because I sure as hell don’t want to talk to her!!

But I really do! I’m so confused!

Yesterday I drew a picture of us in the grass sitting and where smiling and it was very beautiful and I put her picture as my screen saver on my computer I fell like I was so obsessed and today I join the library although I have so many unread books at my house it was to get my mind off her and I also volunteered to work at the library because I feel if I just join that is not enough, I feel so happy and I cant wait to start working tomorrow! I almost feel like I’m over her.

Yours sincerely

P!NK!£  $@MU3L$

Horatia Samuels               feeling: proud

                                         Date: 24/7/12 

i haven't post some things for some weeks now dew to the disconnection of my internet because my mom was so busy with her internet cafe that she didn't even pay us any mind and she still haven't connected it yet she is going to do it when school starts, witch will be on the first Monday in September.
so i'm here at my mom's internet cafe but i was still writing when i'm at my home so i'm just gonna post everything that i have written over the weeks.

i love my life, i love the world and i love everyone!
i fucking hate this world and everyone in it!

Dear diary,

I thought that after the concert, fun in the sun, life would be better I don’t know why but I just thought so, but I guess I was wrong.

Yesterday I got some money from jeffory, prim’s boyfriend well I spent some and left some for the other day. So when I woke up this morning no breakfast was cooking but I didn’t mind because I had some money pulse I had to buy a tooth bush for I haven’t had a toothbrush in months. I had a bath and put on my cloths and look in my draw to see if I say my money I put in it but I didn’t, so I ask who took up m money and mom said she did so I ask why she said she had to cook dinner so I started to cry because I saved that so I could buy some thing for me and she didn’t even maid breakfast I was really angry and hungry and my breath smelt really bad so I knew from that moment the day is going to go bad I had to eat mackerel witch I do not like and then I had to wash the dishes I was still angry and crying  so I stated to read a magazine and then I eat dinner after that and then mom was cleaning the she discover the cat had dodo on the floors she was cleaning it up and she wanted bleach so she sent me to buy bleach but nowhere had any and I was angry and frustrated and mom just sent me to was the dishes but I washed it this morning and I’m really angry. When I was young I had thought of suicidal but never like this. i feel  like killing myself  but I kept thinking what others would say or think about me but then again I would be dead, so who cares I really feel sad and if I don’t die I want to leave this place because this place is causing my sorrow and pain, anger and sadness, frustration and suicidal!!

So earlier I was thinking about going to the hospital or homes, so I would try to do something to hurt myself or harm so I can end up at the hospital or my lead to death I if the rest of the week end up like this I am going to put serious consideration into this .

Felling: suicidal, frustrated and angry

Date: 15/7/12